This Isn't the Wine Cellar
by Flatlander Jr
Summary: What if Luke hadn't spent all of his drug-induced Shadow traveling in the bar with the Mad Hatter and Humpty Dumpty?


THIS ISN'T THE WINE CELLAR

DANIELLE FRANCES DUCREST

Disclaimer: The Books of Amber by Roger Zelazny belong to him and the Amber Corporation. _Stargate SG-1_ belongs to MGM Productions, Showtime, and all those other people. Any copyright infringements were not intended. This story was written for entertainment and not for profit.

Spoilers and Timing: In the _Amber _books, this takes place early on in Sign of Chaos by Roger Zelazny, with spoilers for that. In Stargate, this takes place sometime during one of the latter seasons (not Season Six, since this isn't a Jonas fic). 

Summary: What if Luke hadn't spent all of his drug-induced Shadow traveling in the bar with the Mad Hatter and Humpty Dumpty?

Thanks go to Grossclout, the Editor from Hell, for his oh-so-wise editing contributions. I bow to your thoughtfulness and watchfulness, oh great Satanic editor! (sorry if I overdid it a little)

The security tapes all showed the same thing. Despite the unreality of the situation, despite the utter impossibility and disbelief that had befallen all whom had seen it with their own eyes, the tapes never lied.

It was a reflective Colonel Jack O'Neill who took the elevator from the floor housing the security room to the second level of the facility, the one directly above the lowest level that contained the Stargate. He knocked twice on General George Hammond's door before the general called that he could enter.

He opened the door and entered the office. Hammond looked up from the paperwork he was working on and watched, solemnly, as Jack O'Neill crossed the office. "Well, Colonel?" he asked as he accepted the tape.

"The security tape confirms, it, sir," Jack O'Neill said. "It wasn't just a group hallucination."

Hammond nodded. "Very well. Thank you, colonel." He studied the tape in his hands before shaking his head. "Area 51 is going to have a field day with this one."

"Yes, sir, I believe you're right about that."

Precisely two hours ago, what must have been by far the oddest thing to ever occur in the Gate Room had taken place. O'Neill and Hammond had both seen it for themselves from the Control Room, and even after all of their experiences, they both had trouble believing it.

It had been a very slow day at the SGC, for once. That alone should have been enough of a clue. No one had expected a strange man wearing medieval clothing - complete with gauntlets, a cloak and a sword - to suddenly walk through the wall below the Control Room into the Gate Room.

Jack remembered the scene clearly. He first became aware of the stranger's arrival when one of the marines stationed on duty had turned around suddenly, facing away from the Stargate and instead targeting the wall directly below Jack's position. He'd realized what the Marines had been aiming at by leaning over the desk to look through the window, then he was ordering someone to get the General down there before he was running out of the Control Room, down the steps, and through the door into the Gate Room.

"Hold your fire!" he ordered as he entered the room. By now, all of the SF's had their weapons locked on the newcomer. While Jack waited for his superior to arrive he took in the stranger's appearance. He had red hair and wore a real honest-to-God cloak, pulled back enough to reveal a sword hanging from his belt. He wore slacks and leather boots, but his shirt was, curiously enough, a black T-Shirt with a picture of the band KISS on it.

The newcomer stared around at the guns pointed at him in obvious amazement.

The door opening behind Jack signaled the arrival of the general. "I'm General Hammond, commander of this facility," Hammond introduced himself. "Who might you be?"

The strangely clothed man blinked dumbly at him. Jack thought he looked a little tipsy. "Luke," he answered. Then he giggled. "No, that's not right. I'm Rinaldo." He giggled further. "No, that's not right either."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

Hammond glanced at the colonel. "How long has he been here?"

"Just arrived, sir," Jack replied.

Rinaldo, or Luke, or whatever his name was looked about the room in confusion. "This certainly isn't the wine cellar." His gaze turned to the Gate. He blinked a few times. "Hey, that looks like a Stargate." His gaze returned to Hammond and O'Neill. "I know you! You're from that TV show!" He shook his head. "Merlin was right. I really hope those drugs kick in soon or I might end up in Sunnydale next. Or worse, _MacGyver_." He giggled again and pointed at the Colonel. "I may see your twin soon, Colonel Jack O'Neill!"

Either the guy was out of his mind or he belonged at Woodstock more than he did in a top-secret government facility.

Hey, wait a minute? "How'd you know my name?" Jack demanded.

Luke/Rinaldo opened his mouth to respond when the weirdest thing happened. The wall shimmered behind Luke. Jack blinked and glanced around at the other military personnel, whom, he was relieved to see, looked equally shocked.

A bar could be seen, surrounded by a mural of a countryside. The weirdest thing was that every other second the mural turned three dimensional, looking like the surrounding landscape instead of the wall. What looked like a caterpillar sat lounging on a group of mushrooms, emitting purple smoke from a lit pipe. Sitting on a barstool was what looked like no other than Humpty Dumpty himself. Beside him on another barstool was a grinning Cheshire cat.

Jack squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, but the view of the bar didn't disappear. The longer he stared at it, the more the moving picture seemed to gain solidity, turning from a two-dimension viewing of the scene into a third-dimensional room where no room should exist, one that looked like he could just walk into as if the room had always been there.

Luke glanced behind him. "Oh, there's the bar. Oh, well. I'll have to look elsewhere for the cellar."

He turned and walked toward the wall. He waved at them as he walked directly into the barroom and took a seat at the bar next to the grinning Cheshire. "Bye, MacGyver-O'Neill! Good to meet you all! Have fun killing all those Goa'ulds!"

The entire tableau grew smaller and smaller until the bar appeared to be no bigger than a playing card before it all disappeared, leaving behind the plain, military gray wall that had always been there.

Two hours later, Colonel Jack O'Neill left General Hammond's office and headed for his own office. Yep, Area 51 would certainly have a field day with that one. Major Carter and her team of scientists hadn't been able to figure out how Rinaldo/Luke had arrived and departed, and Jack doubted the guys at Area 51 would have better luck. There was nothing to be done about it now except to give the occurrence first place in the category of 'Strangest Thing to Ever Happen Within the SGC'.

Jack shook his head. He wished there was a way to find that guy again. He'd left a lot of unanswered questions behind him. Number one on Jack's list being, why the heck did Luke/Rinaldo say that the guy on MacGyver was his twin? It's not like they even looked alike. That Richard Dean Anderson guy could never hope to match his good looks.

Jack also couldn't wait to tell Daniel and Teal'c about what had happened at the SGC that day. He'd better get another copy of that tape or they'd think he'd finally gone out of his mind.

THE END


End file.
